why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
