Have you finally orgasmed yet?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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