so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
