I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize