Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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