from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
