I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Green mimosas i think yes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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