Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
