would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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