If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
