i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
