Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
