Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
