Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
