I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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