We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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