this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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