I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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