i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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