I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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