My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
