I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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