I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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