Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
