White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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