I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
