he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
