my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
