I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
