spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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