Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
