the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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