you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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