No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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