I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
