it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
