so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
