Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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