What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I want a musical about memes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
