Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
