You're my little dorito
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
