it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
