I heard we made out
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
