I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
