Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
