things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
