is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
