Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
