I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
