just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
