it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found your dick twin last night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
