Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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