i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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