No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
