I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
