Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
