Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
