Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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