I have demons in me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
