We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
two words...techno handjob
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
