i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
