My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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