yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize