There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
