How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ugly people sure do ruin things
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
