It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
