I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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