I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
