I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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