Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
