I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
