Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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