yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
