HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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