idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
