I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
