Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
